SNARK --- ITALIAN STYLE .....

I am delighted to share some snark from the other side of the Atlantic.  Below, is a post written by a new Italian friend. We "met" on twitter.  She posted a You Tube video.  I saw it and I responded.  We began communicating.  Her English is impeccable.  My Italian is NOT.  In our first email, I knew she would fit right in!

"I'm against the pink crap as well as you and I'd like to promote a new approach to research whose agenda should be dictated by women and researchers at the same time.......  Are you in touch with the people of "Pink Ribbons Inc?"  It would be great to bring it to Europe.  There's a great, cold silence here and I've decided to break it!"

Grazia (Grace) is presently 32 years old.  She's Italian and currently lives in the UK.  She was 30 years old when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in November of 2010.  She writes.  The piece below can be found online here.  Grazia was kind enough to translate it into English to be reprinted here for all of us.

The You Tube promotional video is at the bottom of the post.  Even though it is in Italian, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.  Trust me, you'll get the picture.

Without further adieu, here's Grazia in her own words with very few grammatical adjustments from me.  I didn't want to lose the snark......

GOT BREAST CANCER??  SWEEP IT AWAY WITH VILEDA.

 Got breast cancer? Are you a woman? You are at risk to get the disease considering that nowadays in Italy one in eight women will develop the disease throughout her lifetime? Vileda (O Cedar in the US) has what you need! Yes, you’ve got it right!  Vileda, the mop company. Today, in they year 2012, if you buy bucket, brush and mop, all in pink for the occasion, you support cancer research. What research? The research funded by Susan G. Komen Italy, the first European affiliate of the more reknowned US organization Susan G Komen for the Cure. The latter has recently been in the eye of the storm.  In order to promote its campaign against breast cancer, Komen is not ashamed to accept the sponsorship of fast food chains or  the food and cosmetic industry, even those whose products contain chemicals suspected to be related to breast cancer. The “cause”, the so called pink-ribbon culture promoted by Komen, is receiving increasingly strong criticism from many people.  There are now thousands of products sold not only in the US, but also in Europe and in Italy getting restyled to promote the “battle” against breast cancer. All the products turn pink, the colour symbolizing feminity, at least in the Western world, pink... representing a tamed female who is not expected to ask too many questions. Questions like:

“Why are the cases of breast cancer growing?” 

“Why are a growing number of young women getting the disease?”

“Why, after decades of research, we still do not know the causes of breast cancer?”

Since February 2000, Komen is in Italy too and every year it organizes the “Race for the Cure”, whose aim – as one can read on the website – is to “express solidarity among women faced with breast cancer and to raise public awareness on the importance of prevention”. The race(s), however, are an occasion for promoting various goods to women, the manufacturers of which support the event. This year Vileda is among the sponsors and introduced its “Pink Collection” which includes Super Mocho 3 Action, the gloves Sensitive, the brush viStyle and the cotton and microfiber mop. All strictly pink. All strictly for women, whether or not they have breast cancer, women who will be happy to buy and use them to keep their houses clean– the place whose domain has been assigned to them by nature –.  And even if they DO get breast cancer, they will not feel lonely. To keep them company there will be millions of other women currently developing the disease in increasing numbers in Italy and in the world, there will be Komen who will give them the opportunity to join a race once a year. Oh yes, there will be the pink Super Mocho 3 Action, their faithful ally, that, like a magic wand, will fight breast cancer off forever. And they all lived happily ever after.

As I was finishing up this piece to post, I received an email from Grazia..... It said:

"Komen Italia has banned me from its Facebook page. I cannot post on their wall. This is because of the article, but also because of a post I wrote on the wall of Rosanna Banfi, an Italian TV actress who got breast cancer and is now a spokesperson for Komen. Some women agreed with what I wrote. The actress has not banned me so far."

It brings Grazia's own words alive in describing the use of pink as a representation of a "tamed female who is not expected to ask too many questions."  I loved that line in the post and didn't want to add commentary but then I got this email.  And it fits.  

AND NOW..... LET'S ROLL THE TAPE....

Apparently, in Italy, it's either sex or it's cleaning.  (Chill before you yell, I'm ITALIAN AMERICAN and this is not entirely inaccurate....)  Unless you are someone like Grazia, making noise, looking to change things.....   Just one question:  Can someone shed some light on the nun and the priest?  I'm not sure I get that.

Race for the Cure, Rome.  This Sunday.  Bari, Next Sunday.  The remaining two, just in time for Pinktober.  I wonder if they will get the Pope to turn the Vatican pink?  Perhaps the cardinals can be flamingos for a month??  Just throwin out a few suggestions...... Anyone up for a friendly wager?


Final thought.... Be sure to check out Barbara Brenner's blog.  She was the head of Breast Cancer Action and remains VERY outspoken and exceptionally eloquent.  She has what I'd like to call a "starring role" in Pink Ribbons Inc!

The CYA portion of the blog including a link to the Vileda page .....

Here's Vileda via Google Translate.

Sustainability in the post, we mentioned our partnership with Susan G. Komen Italy. It's time to give some more details.

Komen Italy is a non-profit volunteer-based, active since 2000 in fighting breast cancer. This is the first European affiliate of the "Susan G. Komen for the Cure "in Dallas, the largest institution in the world active in this field for 30 years. Komen is committed to spreading the "Pink Ribbon", the universal symbol of the fight against breast cancer, its activities are: prevention, early detection, help women who face the disease, improve quality of care and support new projects through fundraising.

Support important activities, such as Komen, reflects our policy of sustainability, we are sensitive to these issues and, therefore, we initiated a multi-year partnership to support the initiatives of the association. From this partnership was born "Project Pink" initiative, which aims to raise awareness on the prevention and raise funds for the fight against cancer.

Of this project are part of the product "Pink Line", distinguished by color and by the special Komen ribbon:

• Sensitive Gloves: Gloves are ideal for the most delicate because they offer the highest sensitivity on palm;

• Broom ViStyle: the broom multifunction "Three is" for 3 utlizzi different. Made with 80% recycled material.

Choose Pink Line products is to make a choice in favor of women.

Soon will start the 2012 edition of the Race for the Cure. We'll provide all the details below to find out how to attend the event.
 
And an apparent press release, also via Google Translate....
May

Race for the Cure 2012: Run with us against breast cancer!
Our partnership with Komen Italy does not stop at the line of products Rosa, but continues with participation in Race for the Cure, an event organized by the Susan G. Komen Italy consisting of a run of 5 km, to demonstrate solidarity with the women who face breast cancer and raise awareness on the importance of prevention.

The event, open to all, is characterized by the presence of "Ladies in Pink", women who have personally dealt with breast cancer and to demonstrate the positive way of dealing with the illness, deliberately choose to become visible when wearing a shirt and a pink hat.

The first Race for the Cure was organized in 1982 in the United States, and since then the event involves millions of people in different cities around the world. In Italy, the first race was held in Rome in 2000 and, given the enormous success, the event was staged in other Italian cities.

This year, consists of a three-day health, wellness and sport, culminating in the famous race and walk Sunday morning. Here is the schedule of the four stages of 2012:

• From 18 to 20 May in Rome

• From May 25 to 27 in Bari

• From 28 to 30 September in Bologna

• From 5 to 7 October in Naples

For more information and to register, vai www.raceforthecure.it the site, select the menu "The Race for the Cure", choose one of the stages and, after entering the page, click on "Subscribe" button.


In addition to the race of Rome, we are planning to involve all our Facebook fan page Vileda: You can, in fact, join groups as a real team. For this, we would like to collect all our fans in one mega team and race together against breast cancer!

Want to join us? Then go to www.facebook.com / ViledaItalia and put "like". You will be with the other, an event that combines sport, fun, emotion and social commitment, and support us with Komen in its activities in favor of women. We count on you!

LOVE LEVELS THE FIELD - WE ARE ALL EQUAL

She's witty.  She's brilliant.  She's determined. She gets it.  And most importantly?  She RANTS (by her own admission!).

This video is a talk given by Dr. Susan Love.  Excellent points are made about how WE are part of a team.    We, as patients, have good ideas.  We can be active research participants.  We can and should be part of the collaborative effort.

I ranted enough yesterday...... In fact, I ranted myself right into an eye twitch.  Have you any idea how difficult it is to read or write with a twitchy eye?  I've wanted to share this video since it hit Dr. Love's Facebook page.  No time like the present.  Besides, she deserves an audience today.  Yesterday, Army of Women closed out another study.  Researcher has all the necessary participants.  If we work together, we can get things done.

Speaking of which...if you missed Monday's post, please take a peek.  It's too late to vote for METAvivor so the beginning of the post is no longer relevant but it's not too late to sign the petition or to encourage your representative to sign the bill to Accelerate the End of Breast Cancer.  Deadline 2020.  All of this will take about two minutes of your time.  It's important.  And I'll tweet out to anyone whose representative is missing from the list.  I had success with that one last signature from NYS and I'm happy to report, New York now has 100% support.  I'm not taking credit for that last signature but it wasn't there before I hit that twitter feed and then, it was.  You can decide.......

And one last thing..... If you live in the San Francisco area, Breast Cancer Action is screening Pink Ribbons Inc on May 31st. Here's the trailer.....  for those who think I'm too pissed off about pink..... have a listen... Then, come talk to me....





And now, rounding out the day in videos, Dr. Susan Love (who is in that trailer for PRI) educating an audience and as she said on Facebook....
"My rant regarding how researchers think of patients as "other" to be studied rather than collaborators with good ideas!"   -- Dr. Susan Love

GREAT IDEA - LET'S BLAME THE DEAD WOMAN

I SWORE I was not going to turn this blog into any sort of political forum ..... BUT.....  Sorry, I MUST rant.  It's going to be a short rant...... because there are only a few points I think I have to get off my now surgically altered chest.  I think it will be short.  Generally, when I say I'm going to be brief, I scroll up and the post is about 25,000 words or more.  

Here Goes.

I have a daughter.  I have breast cancer.  I am presently NED.  I do NOT have metastatic disease so I can not, WILL NOT presume to understand what it feels like to have that sword of Damocles hanging over one’s head.  I will just say that I have, in my innermost circle, friends who are living with mets.  Therefore, I speak as a woman in general, as a woman with (NED) breast cancer, as the former wife of my children’s father, as the wife still trying to define the word wife in my present “situation,” as a daughter of a mom with two breast cancer diagnoses, as a mom of a daughter whose future I hope to help by my efforts to End Breast Cancer.  Mainly, I speak as a Bitch Blogger.  But most of all, I speak as a very proud and VERY #FearlessFriend.

I am troubled.

I will state my case with one caveat.  I have only read the sound bites and the headlines.  The reason?  The truth speaks for itself.  Cloaked in bullshit about what monies were used, whether the dead woman was a raging lunatic bitch (always a great tool, by the way, let's attack the dead person), how much he "loved" her, I am prepared to stick my nose in someone else's business.  On behalf of the dead woman.  Because it's public information.  I hope my twitter buddy @SusanKomenGhost will have PLENTY to tweet about.

John Edwards is pond scum.  I want to smack that smirk right off of his perfectly crafted face.  I may even want to smash his perfectly coiffed head off of his mightier than thou shoulders.  I don’t care if he hated Elizabeth.  That’s his right as a human being.  I don’t care if he never wanted to see her again.  Again that is HIS right.  All I’m saying and this is the ONLY thing I am saying, there are ways…. And then, there are the.other.ways.  You chose the latter, dearest John and quite frankly, That Sucks.

This need, as I originally heard from a friend’s husband (although now I’d venture to say the “playing field” is level so I’m NOT man bashing… I LOVE men…. I’m bashing A man, One man, For not BEING A MAN)…. This need to Deny.Deny.Deny. has simply got to stop.  How’s about this for a novel approach?  Truth.  Honesty. Integrity.  And mostly, Don’t make your wife who is in the throes of a TERMINAL illness look like a fool.  Just Don’t Do It.

Here are my suggestions.  I’m prepared for someone to anonymously tell me I’m a moron because, as I’ve made clear, I will accept anonymous comments.  I will not delete them unless they are over the top egregious.  I WILL delete them if they are political or religious.  That’s not what this blog is all about.  I don’t want to muddy the waters with political debate or religious views.  I just want to stay on point.  The point, of course, being breast cancer and how to fix a big giant pink overfunded, progression-less disease.  Yes, simplistic.  And yes, for me, for this blog space, it is that simple.  I am, despite my ADD, OCD and every other alphabetical disorder in my chemobrain, staying on point.  Except if I’m not.  My blog, my sandbox, my rules.

Commentary is directed at the offending party.  If anyone has a compelling argument to enlighten me so I might even consider why I should feel differently, DO share.  I will listen to any and all points of view.  I get it.  Shit happens.  You find yourself in a situation and you mess up.  You are in a marriage or a committed relationship.  Those are supposed to be built upon a foundation of honesty and trust.  But, something happened.  A random act of something.  We can debate the pros and cons of the need to share those assignations with our partners but that is not what happened with Mr. Edwards.  (Do I even afford someone with a yuk factor of a gazillion the respect of referring to him as Mister anything?)

It wasn’t random.  It wasn’t one time.  It wasn’t ongoing randomness with many random partners.  It wasn’t ongoing randomness with the same someone whereby they were just having fun for fun’s sake.  I am NOT endorsing any of this behavior.  I’m merely pointing out that like most things in life, there are things that are horrible and in some cases there are levels of their horrible-ness.

What was done in this case is as close to the top as I can imagine.  Maybe I’m just hypersensitive.  Maybe it’s because I watched Elizabeth Edwards announce her cancer had metastasized while John looked on lovingly and adoringly as he pledged his (politically necessary) unwavering support for his wife as she set foot in the land of mets.  I’m betting that is driving my outrage.  I subscribe to a way of being when it comes to wo(men) with breast cancer: What happens to one of us, happens to each of us on one level or another.  That’s my way of being an effective #FearlessFriend.  Empathizing.  In every situation.

And so let me say this.

Did you REALLY think you would be able to hide this?  I mean Come ON.  The only secret is a secret where only ONE person knows the secret.  The minute the other woman was in that bed, it wasn’t a secret.  Ask Monica.  Or Bill.  Or Elliot.  Better yet.  Yank out a copy of City Slickers and heed the advice of Billy Crystal.  The shit literally falls out of the sky.  Into the laps of unsuspecting wives.  Usually in the beauty parlor.  And usually, we already have a hunch.  We are pretty good like that.  And we just keep going to the beauty parlor (or in 2012, perhaps the nail salon) and one day, our hunch is confirmed.

No matter how sure we may be of our "hunch," that moment of absolute confirmation is sheer and utter devastation.  That’s not me being empathetic.  That’s sympathetic and let’s just leave it at that, shall we?  Now let’s add to the pile.  Elizabeth Edwards buried a child.  That’s a place my mind can’t even go.  Not even in my darkest moments.  Elizabeth Edwards had “two families” in the sense that there were older kids and then, there are two younger children.  A bit out of the ordinary but now, faced with a distant recurrence, not only is she reeling for herself, she surely is distraught over the fact there are little ones in the equation.  Degrees of awfulness.  Again, I won’t ever presume to understand what those who have young children feel like when diagnosed or going through treatment.  I can only hand hold.  I do NOT understand.  I’ve not walked that path.

He’s a public figure.  He’s in a presidential race.  It doesn’t get more public than that.  Fast forward.  The campaign is over (for him, at least).  The buzz is in the air.  News of an affair begins to surface.  And then, a love child?  She’s being treated for TERMINAL breast cancer. How much more shit shall we pile upon this woman?  Her son’s death, her breast cancer, the fact that it spread.  All well beyond her control.  Her husband’s actions?  Also well beyond her control.  But, NOT BEYOND HIS.  And this is where John Edwards should have manned up.

Dude.  Tell the woman there is someone else.  Tell the woman you no longer want to be married.  Tell the woman you want to be with said other woman.  Tell her there is a child.  Don’t DON’T DO NOT sit in front of a news camera doing the DENY DENY DENY thing.  You disgraced your wife who really had an overflowing plate of shit being crammed down her throat.  You couldn’t make the plate smaller but for the love of everything, you most assuredly did NOT have to heap on another helping of shit atop this massive pile.

As for his daughter who is scheduled to testify on her father’s behalf which is what brought me to this place, this rant, this day?  If the pundits are right, the expectation is that she will be sharing her knowledge of her father’s love for her mother.  I have a son.  And a daughter.  They are both adults with the free will to speak their minds.  (I hope I have your attention for these next sentences or the end of this will make absolutely no sense.....)  My kids have carte blanche in the “take it out on mom” column for pretty much anything.  They also have, for the most part, a blank check pre-signed by me to forgive whatever they decided to use from that other column.  

This young woman’s terminally ill mom was disrespected (I’m inclined to use the word degraded but I might be accused of melodrama) in THE most public fashion. For me, those actions resulted in what I’d call the absolute epitome of humiliation.  Kicked when she was down?  That doesn’t really scratch the surface when you break this mess down, line item by line item.

The daughter of Elizabeth Edwards is obviously a wonderful young woman.  She is caring for her two younger siblings.  She watched her mom die what was surely an unpleasant death.  Her dad is now facing some rather serious charges for which he might be imprisoned for a long time.  Say he is a great dad.  Say he is wonderful in the community.  Tell the world how much YOU love him.  Share your stories of your relationship with him.  Humanize him for us because most of US have fairly strong feelings and I’m going out on a limb here.  Most of us do not feel anything in the warm and fuzzy category when it comes to JE and his escapades.

But, JE is her dad.  She is doing what families do.  We stand up for each other in our time of need.  We have one another’s back.

I have no doubt she loves her father deeply.  And I have no doubt she loves her mother, still.  I just hope she is not asked to discuss the love between her parents.  It would be awful to be placed in such a lousy situation.  Plus, isn’t that heresay, anyway??

I would just hope that if the word love gets bantered about, if "love" and this need to "protect" EE from the truth at all costs gets tossed all over the place, we are all able to pause and refocus on the issue.  He got caught and was doing everything and anything to save his ass.  His paramour was the recipient of funds.  It was covered up by many according to the reports I have read.  What that means within the context of the law and this criminal case is of no concern to me.  I just hope we can stay on point and remember some of the basics of human decency.

Those who love do not act in ways that are so deliberately hurtful.  People who love deeply and purely and with honesty want to protect those they love from as much harm as humanly possible.  Having an affair, having many people working to cover up the affair and having a child with a woman other than one’s wife?  Definitely NOT love.   The fact that the wife in this scenario was dying makes it worse.  And yes, I acknowledge that is my opinion and solely my opinion, and YES, I AM stating it as a fact.  JEEZ, ya coulda just got a divorce.  Did you need to do THIS to the dying mother of your children, one of whom you buried years earlier.  I don't get it.  And I never will.

IF that shoe were crammed on my foot……. If my kids chose to do anything other than stick to their own feelings and leave me out of it….. well… I know I’ll be dancing in the flames on the Edge, the Edge… and I can pretty much guarantee this much.  That aforementioned pre-signed check?  It would bounce back faster than a tightly wound spring, boldly rubber stamped:

STOP PAYMENT